Honestly haven’t posted in a while but..

My mother’s husband/step father passed away about a day ago. It’s not that I miss him or anything; he was an asshole & abusive & I generally did not get along with him. My mom chose to be with him over me and I moved out with my biological father when I was 14.

It would be a lot easier if the grief I’m feeling right now was because I missed him, but I don’t. I honestly could not care less. I feel all fucked up. My 14 year old self feels like she’s spilling out of my mind and body; she’s been trapped for a long time. My ninth grade year was so fucked up. I was depressed and suicidal and most of my friends were depressed (& to what extent I’ll never know as we were young and I don’t talk to any of them any more). I know everyone was self h@arming and quite literally shaking because of anxiety. I remember dealing with a lot of abuse and neglect that year from my step father & mother that year. I remember my mom starting to become “disabled” and spoiler alert.. she’s still not- she’s been trying to get on disability for 10 years. She starting drinking that year too. I remember crying and walking to guard practice one night after my step father physically cut the internet wires with a pair of scissors and shut off my mom and I’s phone and locked us in the basement, & even though it was only for a few minutes it was scary. I remember telling a friend it was freezing in my room and her mother almost drove to the store to buy me a space heater. I remember being all about sleeping pills & razors & purging & all sorts of fucked up things in order to control my fucked up home life and I remember it affecting my friendships that year. I just really feel like his whole death has brought my PTSD out in full force and I’m fighting with my 14 year old self and feeling like her again… scared & alone with no one to talk to and no one that would understand. I don’t know where to go from here & how to start healing from this.

tw trigger warning self harm tw self h@rm personal

peridot-the-kitten:

stargazing-at-the-moon:

naiive-and-starry-eyed:

soldierpallaton:

your-villainous-neighbour:

heartachemotel:

eratomusings:

:

Yall think the gods take classics classes for fun

Professor: whys your drawing look like that lol artemis would be paler

Apollo, twin sister to Artemis, has seen her at least once a week for 4,000 years:

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professor: ares is the god of war and is evil.

ares:

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Professor: Hades is the god of the underworld and is therefore evil and cold and heartless

Persephone, who has seen her husband cry secret tears of Manly Anguish every time she has to go live with her mother for six months:

Professor: Not even the crack of dawn was safe from Zeus.

Zeus:

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Professor: *says literally anything about Dionysius*

Dionysus:

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This is great but are we not gonna talk about how OP doesn’t have a url?!?!?

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I mean, ????????????

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(via greatneedtotakeanap)

Fuck My Dudes,  A Rant

donutwannabefound:

donutwannabefound:

So last night I dropped my phone and by the time I realized, it had been run over and utterly smashed.

So fast forward to today and I absolutely NEED a new phone. Im and adult, and the floater at work so I can be called at any point and be needed in a different office. Well my uncle has control of the phone account and he wanted me to buy a phone outright. Ridiculous. I dont know what kind of money this dude thinks I have. Anyway, I say fuck that, Ill just get on my cuzzos plan, but i need some basic information ie account number, last four digits of the ss#, address, ect to transfer the number into a different carrier AND get a discount. He FLIPPED shit and wouldnt give me the information. SO anyway, ive spent ALLLLLL day arguing with him and my grandma bc they wont give me the information. I got a new phone, dont have a phone number and now i cant access or backup my phone bc my apple id is sending verification codes to my phone thats broken, Its been SO fucking stressful, I cant get a hold of any of my friends to call and complain to this about, my aunt just left on a plane to go back home for a week, like dudes, NOT fucking how I want my life to be right now. 

OH and I cant log into Facebook or any other of my social media either BECAUSE IT NEEDS MY PHONE NUMBER

So an update. I had to call off work for the second day in a row bc of this bullshit. Mind you I’m 22 years old. I wanted to switch plans and take on my own financial responsibility. So my family wanted me to take money out of my savings to pay for a new phone. (luckily my aunt came to the rescue and is putting it on her credit card and I’m just gonna pay her back month to month). Savings money isn’t meant for a new phone which is why you finance. Anywho, my uncle and my family through a HUGE power trip and was like “we’re just trying to help you.” So whatever. As soon as I get this two step authorization off of my Apple ID, next time I’m just gonna tell my uncle to suck it. The only reason why they want me on the phone plan is because I’m the 3rd line that qualifies them for the “family line discount.”

Fuck My Dudes,  A Rant

donutwannabefound:

So last night I dropped my phone and by the time I realized, it had been run over and utterly smashed.

So fast forward to today and I absolutely NEED a new phone. Im and adult, and the floater at work so I can be called at any point and be needed in a different office. Well my uncle has control of the phone account and he wanted me to buy a phone outright. Ridiculous. I dont know what kind of money this dude thinks I have. Anyway, I say fuck that, Ill just get on my cuzzos plan, but i need some basic information ie account number, last four digits of the ss#, address, ect to transfer the number into a different carrier AND get a discount. He FLIPPED shit and wouldnt give me the information. SO anyway, ive spent ALLLLLL day arguing with him and my grandma bc they wont give me the information. I got a new phone, dont have a phone number and now i cant access or backup my phone bc my apple id is sending verification codes to my phone thats broken, Its been SO fucking stressful, I cant get a hold of any of my friends to call and complain to this about, my aunt just left on a plane to go back home for a week, like dudes, NOT fucking how I want my life to be right now. 

OH and I cant log into Facebook or any other of my social media either BECAUSE IT NEEDS MY PHONE NUMBER

Fuck My Dudes,  A Rant

So last night I dropped my phone and by the time I realized, it had been run over and utterly smashed.

So fast forward to today and I absolutely NEED a new phone. Im and adult, and the floater at work so I can be called at any point and be needed in a different office. Well my uncle has control of the phone account and he wanted me to buy a phone outright. Ridiculous. I dont know what kind of money this dude thinks I have. Anyway, I say fuck that, Ill just get on my cuzzos plan, but i need some basic information ie account number, last four digits of the ss#, address, ect to transfer the number into a different carrier AND get a discount. He FLIPPED shit and wouldnt give me the information. SO anyway, ive spent ALLLLLL day arguing with him and my grandma bc they wont give me the information. I got a new phone, dont have a phone number and now i cant access or backup my phone bc my apple id is sending verification codes to my phone thats broken, Its been SO fucking stressful, I cant get a hold of any of my friends to call and complain to this about, my aunt just left on a plane to go back home for a week, like dudes, NOT fucking how I want my life to be right now. 

rant if anyone read this thank you I really just need someone to vent to

Trials of Apollo - A Character Study of Apollo, of Abuse, Redemption, And Change

flightfoot:

This series, Trials of Apollo? Has, ultimately, been centered firmly around APOLLO’S personal journey, his character development throughout his time as a mortal, with him slowly coming to terms with the problems in the world he’s been ignoring, the issues within himself he’s been pushing down, who he is, and who he wants to be.

The Hidden Oracle: Apollo starts at least thinking about his issues, from how much his kids deserve a better father than him, admitting to himself that Zeus abused him, to realizing, to beginning to accept that the lives of the beings around him, from the dryads to the demigods, had far greater worth than he’d treated them as having.

The Dark Prophecy: Mostly just deepening the lessons he started learning in THO, especially with him Taking a Level in Kindness with respect to helping save Lit and deciding that he would in fact be willing to die for Meg. This is also the book where his arrogance mostly fizzled out.

The Burning Maze: Now THIS book, this was a MAJOR turning point. In the previous two books he saw the problems and issues both with himself and with the culture he’d been apart of, with callously abandoning demigods and mortals, treating them as expendable and lesser. The Burning Maze hammers in that Apollo needs to remember these lessons, with Jason telling him to “Remember what it’s like to be human”. It cements Apollo’s desire to change.

The Tyrant’s Tomb: I’d say this book’s main claim to fame is really hammering in how Apollo himself has screwed over and mistreated people in the past. While previous books emphasized how his inaction and uncaring approach, with just standing by while terrible things happened and not caring unless he was personally involved, led to him just accepting a lot of tragedies happening around him that he was somewhat complicit in and could have reasonably stopped or made better, this book… this book was different. 

This time, Apollo’s confronted with how he screwed over the Cumaen Sibyl, ordered for one of his girlfriends to be murdered for cheating on him, cursed crows and blamed THEM for telling him about the affair, and bullied Harpocrates pretty horribly. This wasn’t just him being callous or uncaring; he was the main one responsible. Here, he really confronted that in some ways, he hadn’t always been that different from the Emperors themselves, at least in the eyes of those he hurt.

He’d been trending away from wanting to forget and just move on with his life after this experience for awhile, but having his worst actions thrown back in his face like that, now that he had the perspective to understand how bad the things he’d done really were? Made sure that he did NOT want to be that person again, while also emphasizing how much he WASN’T the person who’d done those things anymore.

The Tower of Nero: His main changing is done. Meg’s character development, her plotline, receives a lot more attention this book than in… probably any previous book honestly, with her whole situation with how she deals with Nero, with being within her abuser’s grip again, being addressed in a lot of detail. Apollo makes direct comparisons between her situation, with needing to go back and confront her abuser while trying to stop from falling in line, from succumbing to their emotional and mental abuse, and his own, with him wanting to retain who he is now and not to regress into who he was, into who he was shaped into by the toxic environment on Mount Olympus and by Zeus more specifically. Abuse, how it works psychologically, and how to try to break free from it, receives a LOT of attention this book, having been touched on in previous entries but in far less detail.

It also emphasizes identity a lot, with Apollo trying to figure out who he is and who he wants to be. Not so much as in actually questioning what principles he should adhere to in the future - previous books locked that down pretty well - but more in coming to terms with who he’d become and not wanting to lose himself, to lose this version of himself, once he regained his godhood, and being afraid that he would if he returned to Mount Olympus’s abusive environment once more. 


In Conclusion: I REALLY enjoyed the whole book series from start to finish and think it did an excellent job developing Apollo’s character, with each book emphasizing different stages along the way, but with other facets of his development running along in the background. It happens gradually enough, with the catalysts of his changes and realizations made clear enough, that it all feels like a natural course of development, even with as drastically as he changed.

Trials of Apollo is in my mind, one of the best character development-focused stories out there and is absolutely worth a read, especially for anyone who likes redemption arcs.

trials of apollo ton spoilers toa spoilers tower of nero trials of apollo spoilers ton


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